Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Japan's New WTF "Face Slimmer" Plus Alpha

Japan's New WTF Face Slimmer

At first look, this appears to be a Dutch Wife mouthpiece or some kind of S&M bondage gear. But, believe it or not, this new Japanese "Face Slimmer" invention is for real.

A fairly well-known Japanese cosmetic company named Glim started marketing this product at the end of last year. As for WTF is it, the following explanation may not make much sense, but here we go.

First of all, according to the directions, one is to get into a bathtub(?) and then put the Face Slimmer in their mouth:

Japanese Woman in a bathtub with the Face Slimmer

Then one is to repeat out loud the Japanese vowel sounds - "a i u e o"
『あ い う え お』 for three (3) minutes a day everyday for the rest of one's life.

a i u e o あ い う え お

Apparently by doing that kind of exercise, both women and men (one size fits all) can strengthen their lips and facial muscles, prevent wrinkles and reshape their visage into the popular "Duck Face"(?) Mmmmkaaaaay, well for more confusion on all of this please read the Google Engrish Generated page.

Japan's New WTF Face Slimmer

Get yours now at Rakuten!

Japan's New WTF Face Slimmer

But wait. There's more!

From the makers of the well-known but useless Hana Hana contraption also known as the Japanese NOSE ELECTROCUTION! comes the all-new "Facial Lift Atonce":

Facial Lift Atonce

Using this one is easy and it does not require a bathtub. Simply put the Facial Lift Atonce in your mouth, turn it on, it vibrates a complete 360 degrees and then by some kind of magical power, one then gets a facelift.(?) The directions say that this exercise should also be done three (3) minutes a day everyday for the rest of one's life. This product is also known as "A Face Lift in a Bottle" which apparently produces a very similar effect on men as that of beer goggles. O.O

A Face Lift in a Bottle


Japanese Cats Ears For "Communication"

Bathtub Girl iPhone Case From Japan Of Course


  1. Rob-- that is hilarious! -hey message me- -we used to hang out in Roppongi -- it's ME!

    1. Thank you Linda! Yeah, I remember you for sure. I will write back soon. Take care. :)

  2. So your GF can rock the ダッチワイフ look with all the same functionality--nice!

  3. Masturbating to this one was a piece of cake.

  4. LMFAO! Hilarious! Thanks Pongi. You should have included NSFW in this one. Oh, that's right it's from Japan.

  5. I've been waiting for this day my whole life.

  6. DANG BLAST YOU PONGI! You beat me to that post. ;-(

    Here's the goofy Google Translate:

    Convenience goods for aunties like can achieve a small face Q.
    Women seeking a small face, the recommendations useful goods Introduction.
    I like ...the effect is preeminent
    Price: 3,990 yen (including tax & shipping)

    Only three minutes a day! Tempered the muscles of facial expression, small face turns into a longing?
    Use it in the bath, while watching TV...
    Now you can exercise your face with the "Sri Ma Face."
    In addition to mouth "Aiueo" If you pronounce and mouth wide open,
    Mouth simple exercise is completed.

    The tight lips youthful.

    "I carved deeply Zero Fighter," "flabby around the eye area," "cheek," "angle" like us in trouble.
    In an exquisite elasticity specially designed silicon gives reasonable load on the muscles of facial expression.

  7. My face is not fat looking. I need to have a pleasant complexion & not have fatty cheeks. I need to know the answer to this.

    nose job

  8. 3990yen with tax... (?_?)

  9. that's kind of disturbing..

  10. Girlfriend's mouth not big enough for your manhood? Try this!

  11. Thank you all. This "chindogu" (strange and useless invention) is, indeed, waaaayyy out there. But it may really work. And you know, come to think of it, I've always wanted to have a face that looks like duck. (^_-)

  12. You know Rob, it looks more like one of those blow up plastic woman with their mouth open, hahahahhahahahhaha

  13. The so-called "Dutch Wife." What an awful name! Although I originally wanted to rename the Blast the Dutch Wives. Great name for a band!

  14. I don't think you can call this a "chindogu" (strange and useless invention) since it is for sale on mainstream websites like Rakuten (Japan's version of Amazon) and makes money for the inventor therefore making it a "useful" invention.


  15. Yeah, in that sense sure it's very useful for the manufacturer Glim. But does it really create a duck mouth face? \_(ツ)_/