Masturbation (Fapping) Illegal in China!

BREAKING: Masturbation (aka. "fapping") is now illegal in China. Why? Because China:



Via UH

Related:

The FAP Police Under Fire

Japan's Adult Toys Robot Nation

Japan's Hand(job) iPhone Case Forever Alone Model

Yu Darvish Dating A Japanese Porn Star?

Via NMA TV/Apple Action News

Texas Ranger's new 60 million dollar man, Yu Darvish, has been reported to be dating a Japanese porn star with a G-cup sized bustline and an "electric tongue." It is suspected that this could be the one and only Kirara Asuka (NSFW). If this report is true it should not bother Darvish at all as he himself has posed nude in some Japanese women's magazines. Here is a news report from Taiwan on this latest development:

Note: Click on the CC button to turn on the English closed captions.




See also: Japanese Forever Alone Baseball in Space

"Jiro Dreams of Sushi" Trailer

Here is the official trailer for the upcoming documentary film entitled "Jiro Dreams of Sushi." This movie is about the world's greatest sushi chef named Jiro Ono. He is the owner of a small sushi shop known throughout the world as "Sukiyabashi Jiro" and located in Tokyo's Ginza subway station. This restaurant is the only sushi shop to ever win a Michelin Guide 3-star award and reservations are made one year in advance. Jiro Ono is recognized by the Japanese government as a living national treasure.


Coming soon: "Jiro Dreams of Sushi"

North Korea's Lee Chun Hee Retires from TV

North Korea's celebrity anchorwoman Lee Chun Hee aka Ri Chun-hee is calling it quits. Well known throughout the world for her devoted and emotional news casts, she is now starting to train younger anchor students. Also known as an "Anchor With An Attitude" and "Pyongyang Lady", she was interviewed by China Central Television (CCTV) in a behind the scenes look inside her studio:



And here she is crying while announcing the deaths of Kim Il Sung in 1994 and Kim Jong Il last year:



See also: North Korean Version of "Take on Me""

Hong Kong Face Slimmer Demo Video

In this short Hong Kong Face Slimmer Demo Video, Hsiao Mi shows how to use this 2-in-1 face-lift and thin neck roller. This manual roller device is much easier to use than the Japanese mouthpiece face slimmer. The mouthpiece model requires one to get into a bathtub, put the slimmer in their mouth and then repeat all of the Japanese vowels "a i u e o" 『あ　い　う　え　お』 over and over for three (3) minutes a day everyday for the rest of one's life.

Nope.

This one is much easier to use.

This hand-held wheel type slimmer doesn't require any talking nor getting into a bathtub as one should just simply roll it around their face for about 10 minutes or so each night. It also costs less and while using it one can relax and watch TV at the same time. Apparently by doing this one can lift up their face and thin out those horrible double chins. Check out how Hsiao Mi starts using it when she says "Look Me":



See more about this product and other beauty products at AmiShophk By Shopping-Cart.Com.HK.


Related: Japan's New WTF "Face Slimmer" Plus Alpha

North Korean Version of "Take on Me"

Unless you've been living in the DPRK, you probably have seen or heard about some kind of strange and funny North Korean videos. Most of the time they feature young kids playing and singing traditional folk tunes or patriotic songs. But now all the way from the Kum Song School in Pyongyang, we have a group of accordion students playing A-Ha's big 80s hit "Take on Me":



This performance is a part of "The Promised Land" project by director and artist Morten Traavik. You can read more about this production at Traavik.info Creative Intelligence Agency and at Barents Spektakel 2012.

UPDATE: Some readers have already written in and Anna from Tokyo wrote: "Didja notice how the phone rang immediately after they finished the song? Probably it was the new Best Kim (aka "The Young-Un" and "Kim Jong Iliberace")



demanding their immediate arrest and incarceration for playing that "foreign devil's music."

We also have an update from the almighty Taro, the lame who says "Japan is always better than Korea! See irrefutable proof":





And, obviously, that is correct as everyone knows that the Japanese are superior to all other humans. But don't forget that Pyongyang North Korea is ‘better’ than Tokyo!

Related:

New North Korean Videos

North Korean TV Segments

Why, China Why? Because China #3

In our first "Because China" post we featured a bulldozer on top of an old apartment building while demolishing it! And our favorite Japan correspondent Mr T replied "Why China"?--This is the way they built it" and cleverly referenced this photo. And that reply did speak volumes.

But now we have another inexplicable "Because China" photo that once again begs the question "Why China, Why?"

.

Any ideas at all are greatly appreciated.

Related: Why, China Why? Because China #2

See more at Because China.

Toyota Camry Super Bowl Commercial

With the Super Bowl this weekend, it seems as though more and more sponsors are releasing their halftime commercials in advance. But maybe you don't like football, or you could less about the game. Or maybe you hate TV commercials. However, everyone loves the bowl's halftime commercials and this new Toyota Camry commercial is really a winner. Check it out:



See also: Chinese Cop On The Hood of a Speeding Car!

Japan's New WTF "Face Slimmer" Plus Alpha

At first look, this appears to be a Dutch Wife mouthpiece or some kind of S&M bondage gear. But, believe it or not, this new Japanese "Face Slimmer" invention is for real.

A fairly well-known Japanese cosmetic company named Glim started marketing this product at the end of last year. As for WTF is it, the following explanation may not make much sense, but here we go.

First of all, according to the directions, one is to get into a bathtub(?) and then put the Face Slimmer in their mouth:



Then one is to repeat out loud the Japanese vowel sounds - "a i u e o"
『あ　い　う　え　お』 for three (3) minutes a day everyday for the rest of one's life.



Apparently by doing that kind of exercise, both women and men (one size fits all) can strengthen their lips and facial muscles, prevent wrinkles and reshape their visage into the popular "Duck Face"(?) Mmmmkaaaaay, well for more confusion on all of this please read the Google Engrish Generated page.



Get yours now at Rakuten!



But wait. There's more!

From the makers of the well-known but useless Hana Hana contraption also known as the Japanese NOSE ELECTROCUTION! comes the all-new "Facial Lift Atonce":



Using this one is easy and it does not require a bathtub. Simply put the Facial Lift Atonce in your mouth, turn it on, it vibrates a complete 360 degrees and then by some kind of magical power, one then gets a facelift.(?) The directions say that this exercise should also be done three (3) minutes a day everyday for the rest of one's life. This product is also known as "A Face Lift in a Bottle" which apparently produces a very similar effect on men as that of beer goggles. O.O



Related:

Japanese Cats Ears For "Communication"

Bathtub Girl iPhone Case From Japan Of Course

OH! Mikey: "Our New Life in Japan"

One of the very funniest Japanese TV shows ever is known as "OH! Mikey". This show started out in the year 2000 as segments on the very popular Vermilion Pleasure Night. Soon afterwards it became a popular late night comedy television show on its own. Here is the first episode entitled "Our New Life in Japan" (includes English subtitles):



Related: Funny Japanese TV: "Oh Mikey!"

Vermillion Pleasure Night "Midnight Cooking"

Julie Watai's 2012 Calendar

OK all you otakus and weaboos get ready! Julie Watai has just now released her new 2012 Hardware Girls calendar. This is on sale now, but for some unexplained reason, this calendar doesn't start until the first of April.(?) Complexity Level: Asian



Get Julie-san's new calendar here.

Related: Julie Watai's Furby Toy Video

Julie Watai Electrical Engineer/Maid Photo

Photographer Hal's WTF Japan Plastic People Photos

Via cbsnews.com January 29, 2012

Because of the rapid and ongoing evolution of the internet, many mainstream news media organizations are now facing sharp declines in viewer ratings and credibility. As a response to that problem, CBS News has broadened their run-of-the-mill news coverage to include WTF Japan in their recent report about Japan's very own Photographer Hal and his popular work of WTF photographs of plastic-wrapped people:





Photographer Hal devised this series in which he asked couples if they would be sealed in a plastic futon bag together while showing themselves as individuals and positioned as couples.

You can see many more interesting photos in this series at Photographer Hal's website

Related: Japanese Girls Still Sucking Door Knobs

North Korean Laborers in Siberia

As mentioned earlier in the North Korean Slaves in Russia post, here is the funny and bizzare short documentary in which we are taken deep into Siberia by Shane Smith and Journeyman Pictures. Once there they try to meet and talk to some North Korean laborers working in the area.



See also: Canadian DPRK Documentary "The Defector"

Why, China Why? Because China #2

As everyone knows that Old Internets is best Internets, here is another well-known web photo that asks the eternal question "Why, China Why?" And then answers it with the universal reply of "Because China":



Related: Why, China Why? Because China

What A Wonderful World Photo

Via Yahoo News Best images from the week of January 27th

Here is a very cool shot of NASA's recent high resolution (8000 x 8000 pixels) photo of the “Blue Marble.” To date, this is the highest resolution photograph taken of the earth by NASA's newest earth-observing satellite Suomi NPP:



XXX Large Size

Related: Tommy Lee "Space Alien" Jones in Outer Space

Stop The Global ACTA Treaty!

Via Avaz.org Posted: 25 January 2012

Last week, 3 million of us beat back America's attack on our Internet! --- but there is an even bigger threat out there, and our global movement for freedom online is perfectly poised to kill it for good.

ACTA - a global treaty - could allow corporations to censor the Internet. Negotiated in secret by a small number of rich countries and corporate powers, it would set up a shadowy new anti-counterfeiting body to allow private interests to police everything that we do online and impose massive penalties -- even prison sentences -- against people they say have harmed their business.

Please sign the Avaz.org petition!

Japan's Sacred Gaijin Hierarchy

Click image to embiggen



XXX Large Size

Note: I didn't create this and, of course, it's not exactly correct. Just regurgitating the latest funny papers.

See much more about Japan's Gods among men at FACKED GAIJIN.

Happy Chinese New Year 2012!

Related: Japan vs NYC New Year's Celebration